Who am I
I hate that social media has made me feel cringe about myself whenever I try to do stuff like this. I truly want to write about who I am, but it just feels like I'm doing a sadboi/im14andthisisdeep post.
I think it would be a good idea to mention a couple of characters to describe myself, since idk where to begin:
- My overall personality: Raine Whispers from TOW + a weird mix of Pomni and Ragatha from TADC + Lexi from Euphoria
- My mental state at least most of my life: Jax from TADC and Asya Shubina from Z.A.T.0
- That one side of me that comes out when I have access to weed, alcohol and nicotine: Project X if it were a person. I don't want this to come off as a "omg i'm so crazy🤪" brag. Like, in the moment, it's great, but I'm trying to stop for my sake and the sake of my relationship
I am a theater kid. All my current friends are from the theater club at my uni. When I was little I was bullied because I guess I was weird, but as time went on I managed to understand how to not get bullied and actually be funny in a not cringey way. When I was in highschool, I got adopted by several extroverted people who were the "cool kids" in middle school. It was the worst and best experience of my life to be in that friend group. I always knew that they could cast me out at any moment and the rest of my highschool years would be miserable, but god it was so much fun to hang out with them. We partied, snuck alcohol and weed to school, there was so much drama, I kissed so many pretty people (which I never thought was possible for me). Again, don't do drugs kids, I'm paying the price now, but I cannot express how I felt during that time. The pics below are from my current friend group and a sneak peak of one of my classes jaja.
I'm now studying computer engineering. I went from having neurotypical friends to neurodivergent, gay ones and I love it. Weirdly enough, the dynamic is pretty much the same: we've casted out people who we didn't like anymore, we have drama and there are too many substances on a daily basis, but it just feels right now. Being neurodivergetn and being able to be around other people like you is honestly a privilege.
Idk why I started with this in an "about me" post, it's been on my mind lately, I guess. Now I kinda want to jump into the actual weird facts: I've always been really anxious. I actually have diagnosed ADHD but I never struggled in school because my brain's way to cope with said ADHD was by giving me crippling anxiety. I would never turn assignments late because I genuinely felt like the world would end, for example. I mean, it worked, but I also had OCD-like thought patterns (I don't have OCD, just some shared characteristics). The tipping point was the pandemic, where one day I had an incentous intrusive thought and the next 4 years of my life were literal hell for me. I could NEVER have a single moment of silence because my mind would become a battlezone where I used every single cell in my body to try and not think about that intrusive thought. It got to a point where I knew I wasn't going to live for much longer because I was going to have to kill myself in order to protect this family member from my "uncontrollable impulses" (that's what the intrusive thought told me). I fortunately met my current boyfriend two years ago: he was my literal saviour. He got me into therapy and I got antidepressants. Now I can tell you that life still sucks and the suicidal ideation hasn't disappeared completely, but at least the thought has gotten really quiet. Most days I don't even think about that anymore. I like to share that part about me because the more I say out loud that I spent 4 years having thought related to incest, the more free I feel. I thought I would take that to my grave for the longest time, like I genuinely felt like the most disgusting being on the planet and now everytime I say it out loud it just feels silly. If you're reading this and have similar story to mine, trust me, we all think "well, yours is at least more ethical/socially acceptable than mine". Sharing it with a professional or someone you know won't judge you is the first step.
Leaving the heavy stuff behind, let's go to happy stuff: I LOVE SANRIO. My favorite character is tuxedo sam, but I know I am a chococat at heart. Another character I'm obsessed with is Catra from She-ra. I'm making my bf watch it right now so I'm remembering how much of a simp I am JAJAJA.
I'm trying to think about the fandoms I''ve been in and I can't keep track. Honorable mentions:
- FNAF: been there since I was in fourth grade and the hype is still going strong
- My hero academia: was mostly a middle school phase but I feel like it shaped me
- Shera and the princesses of power
- Divergent, The Maze Runner, Shadowhunters, 2010 booktube era in general 🤞
- Distroller (for my mexicans out there)
Fun fact, I used to write on wattpad. At the moment I was deep in the Carry On fandom and wrote an omega gay fanfic about it. Even tried to write a sex scene when I was like 13 💀. I'll leave the link here if I find it so you can have your daily dose of cringe. It's in spanish tho (muajajaja)
I'm just finding out one of my "stories" (it was just a compilation of memes) has like 50k reads💀💀. You go little me. It's been almost 10 years wtf. I need to start writing fanfiction again, it was so much fun.
Idk what else to say about me. I want to tell you about my bf and my sibling but I feel like they deserve their own posts tbh. Basic facts: I'm the older sister and the little gremlin is 5 years younger than me. Imagine the hippiest, most indie person you can think of, that's them. I'll link a post about them here. As for my bf, he is a year older than me, tall, nerdy af, especially for tech stuff. We've been together more than two years (as for 2026). We are about to go in an academic change in August to Canada, so you'll probably here from that in another post. Find his post here
HOW CAN I FORGET. Aleks. He's been my best friend since we were 13 years old. We met on wattpad, of all places JAJAJA. He lives on the opposite side of the globe, but we finally met in person this year! You'll find his post here
I'll probably update this post later, but for now that's pretty much the basics to my persona. If you've read this till the end, tysm!!
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